Tonight, however, I had to venture deep into the mall on a special mission: to find a relatively cheap shirt for tomorrow's "Hawaiian Shirt Day" at my husband's office. ("You're kidding, right?" I said.) After some negotiation, I agreed to scope things out while he ran other errands.
Would you believe that Sears, JCPenny, and Macy's were completely out of Hawaiian shirts in size XXL? I dragged myself to the Bergner's wing and up the Bergner's escalator to menswear. Bingo! One Hawaiian shirt in XXL marked down from $68 to $19.95. Thank You, Universe. Then it was back to the food court to collapse on a bench and wait for hubby to rescue me.
I learned a lot from this evening's excursion. I learned that:
- When American women dress for the mall, nothing is too short or too tight.
- There are a lot more conservative Muslim woman in this community than I knew. When the heat index is 100 and you're draped from head to toe in heavy fabric, an indoor mall is probably you're best shopping destination.
- I need a lot of tissues when walking the mall because of my allergic reaction to the multitude of stores devoted to smelliness: candle stores, perfume stores, bath stores. Ack!
- Eddie Bauer and Starbuck's aren't there anymore but Asian guys soliciting people for seated massages are. What??
- Some stores now have fat manikins in the fat ladies clothing section . . . but the clothes still suck.
- Despite losing 20 pounds, seeing my reflection in full-length windows does not make me feel good.
- Seeing a lot of tiny Asian women in cute tiny clothes does not make me feel good.
- Incessant calliope music is more annoying than you'd think.
Of course, if we didn't buy all that crap, what would we do with all the Wal-Marts, mega-malls, and sweatshops?